an old man sang frank sinatra (sam adams lager)

i’ve enjoyed my holidays, a little. i’ve managed to eat half a pizza every two days and take long walks in the cold when it isn’t romantic or pleasant. yesterday i went to lauren’s workplace christmas wham bam thing. it was at a crappy bar (i hate crappy bars) with a fox for a logo.

i tried looking for a picture of pizza but found this instead. enjoy.

we walked in and my glasses fogged up, because weather makes it hard for eyeball impaired people like me. lauren walked up to her work friends (she calls them coworkers, i’m being nicer). she didn’t introduce me to anyone so i floated trying to hard behind her, which is hard because she is half a foot shorter than myself. eventually she introduced me to some girl who had brought a tripod to the bar.

why would anyone bring a tripod to a bar if you’re there to have a ‘good time’


smiles and handshakes later, we walked to the massive bar with a lady behind it. they setup the taps so i couldn’t see her if i stood. i had to sort of fit my head in between the bar bench and the taps. this meant i refused to order and got nervous and asked lauren to do the commanding things.

i ended up with a samuel adams lager. i looked it up now and apparently it’s a boston lager. i did not know this last night, but i knew it was american because i’d seen it in a duane reade in new york which i went to a long time ago when i did fun things.


it was dark, as is usually the case with places with foxes for mascots, so the colours were off. it looked kinda amber. the lady behind the bar left me an inch of head and i enjoyed that first. it tasted frothy and yeasty and got me in the mood for ice cream. i sipped the thing for a while and liked what i got. it was tangy, orangey and left a bitter thing in my mouth at the end. i’ve come to like that. do try samuel adams sometime soon.

drinking the thing made me envious of the americans. they have this stuff in grocery stores. i wish we had that here.

this is samuel adams. wish men’d wear coats that red nowadays.


a few hours later, and a few more orange glasses later, all of lauren’s coworkers looked drunk. she told me they were occasional drinkers, which i found funny because her boss sang the backstreet boys (and added the word “BITCHES” after every line). one of her bosses looked pervy and one of them looked like a little boy from one of those movies where you feel bad for the kid because he lives in the mountains.

eventually an old man sang frank sinatra on the karaoke and when he finished i walked up to him and said great job. he looked over my shoulder and said something gruff, something i couldn’t understand. i felt weird hanging out with adults celebrating stuff. i wanted to leave and then lauren persuaded me to get pizza and here i am feeling fat and full and holy shit i just realized how much my holidays have sucked.

this is the worst story ever. i swear it won’t happen again. are you enjoying your holidays?