i was in a coma all summer and spring

so then i’ve been in a coma all summer and spring long. i don’t remember exactly when it happened or how and i do know that it was horrible. i had the worst crusty eye boogers when i woke up and all i could remember were a bunch of dreams. i remember dreaming it was super cold and then it got super hot and along the way these pins kept stabbing my foot because some dickhead left them lying around, all negligent like. they denied me booze in my coma and i’m not entirely sure what i ate. vague feelings of mushy veg. and pureed meats. oh well now that’s over and i’m so happy i can move my legs again.

after feeling sentient again, i found i craved crumpets (for whatever reason) so i up and bought some. i found a boozer near the crumpet place, which was convenient for my atrophied legs. i walked around a little, taking in the old familiar smell and shady patrons. and then i found but something called ‘liberty ale’. too good too good i thought. this perfectly symbolizes what i’m feeling. finally out of sleeping all the time and being flipped over by strangers in white and finally breathing dirty outdoor air and finally looking at strangers in the street. i grabbed the sextuplet and walked.

they gave me a swell carpet.

while getting home (which was not where i used to live. what’s going on, hermano!) i read the box and labels and stuff because reading is fun after six months of eyes shut closed. the bottle cap had a cool little thing on it reading, ‘use opener’ which is good because i think it satirizes coors light perfectly while also being a friendly reminder to not rip up your palms. the neck label told me liberty ale was first brewed in the seventies, celebrating the 200th anniversary of an event. neat. the label also claimed the beer being made of the finest barley and fresh hops and pure water. lord how i missed being told water was pure. the label also mentioned something about natural carbonation and no added carbon dioxide.

i poured the beer in my new kitchen and living room and had a taste.

very malty. zero carbonation (okay fine, very little, not zero) which makes it feel sweet for some reason. their natural carbonation is like salt free potato chips. like, perrier has more fizz. it probably would not taste as sweet if artificially carbonated. there’s something about fizz that hides balance issues. good sharp hop level. i don’t know if fresh hops make any serious difference to dried hops but i find it strange that they filter their beer if they’re all about artisinal brewing and shit. light bodied. brought back feelings of a long time ago for whatever reason (maybe because it reminds me of port credit ale, stuff you used to drink because the bottle looked cool). the liberty ale kind of burns your tongue. sharpness takes over mouth. bitter aftertaste. can taste the alcohol. it’s nice and nostalgic.

so glad to be alive again. my new place came with a stray/roaming cat. see you soon. hope your hair and nails don’t melt.

love forever,


p.s. bedpans blow, yo.