how to breathe (St. Peter’s English Ale, product of United Kingdom)

the returns

today i was at the beer store returning some of my old empty cans of pbr. thanks friends (D/T)   for leaving your cans over. i got a $7.50 discount on my purchases today. i’ve never been more thankful.

i was loading my cans in the little brown cases at the beer store when a crack lady approached me and gave me an extra two cases. have you ever had any encounters with crack ladies? i was terrified of them until today. they look like this.

nice hair, girl. don’t look so scared.

genteel old ladies

they have shopping carts and they fill up the shopping carts with beer/wine/liquor bottles from restaurants and houses and bars. a crack lady comes to the bar below my apartment every night. she makes the noises a raccoon makes. how the fuck does that not terrify you. plus they have supermodel collarbones which is scary by default.

anyways. i am no longer afraid of them because this crack lady at the beer store offered me cardboard cases, smiled at me and smiled at the ten dollar bill the beer store guy gave her. the pursuit of joy applies to old ladies as much as me.

purchases

i got my hands (paws? i’ve had bad blood pressure recently) on a bottle of St. Peter’s English Ale. the bottle looked green and was labeled with stickers. the bottle’s shaped like an elongated uterus. here’s a picture.

i finally have my camera back. i will take pictures of the things i drink from now on. meet lauren. she has hands and wears grandma clothes.

i liked the little bird with the key in his gut on the label. what a great mascot. fuck you tony the tiger. this bird’s better than you’ll ever be.

the reverse side of the bottle goes on and on and on and on and on about how organic the beer is (yes beer can be organic, as mill st. has demonstrated locally). there was a picture of a house on the back. who draws houses growing past five?(unless you’re an artist). i learned it wasn’t just a house but some hip stone place. the beer’s made with water from a secret well under the monastery. that, to me, is a good thing. i wish i had the job of pulling water out of their secret well.

this building is why molson will never be cool.

their description

the label describes the taste as wholesome and delicate.

taste

their label is another way of calling the beer mid-high hoppy and delicious. it smells like a good ale should. it retained head well (i really like head in beer). when you take the first sip, all you get is hop and malted sugar. as the beer warms up outside the fridge, you get richer flavours. there’s more bitter, more sweet and even grass. i’ve read about grass coming out in beer, but i’d never tasted it before st. peter’s ale. thanks for that, pete. i also thank pete for making a brew that hangs out above your tongue rather than on your tongue and for mixing grassy fresh with caramel bursts.

it’s got this alluring amber copper colour disrupted by fizz floating to the top of the beer. whoever is responsible for the colour, you go guy/gal.

how to breathe and taste better

i feel sure that there’s a book out there by the title, “breathing better” but this isn’t that kind of self help. i find, when i introduce people to subtle beers, people miss a lot of the flavours holed up in drinks and food. i want you to taste better and breathing better is the biggest part of tasting better.

have you ever plugged your nose while eating/drinking? i’m sure you’ve had a cold, which is the same effect. you miss so much taste. you can taste more if you actively breathe out while eating/drinking. especially if you swirl some air into your mouth when you ingest.

try it this way. take a gulp of beer. take some air with it. swirl the beer in your mouth. you’ll get bitter/sweet/salt/whatever. when you breathe you’ll get all the delicate stuff. the grass and the malt. if you have a bad sense of smell, that sucks. i have a less than average sense of smell and routinely think i’ve gotten away with farting when i haven’t.

do they do nose implants? surely that’s better than boob implants.

here’s a beer tasting guide by some other humans.

what’s the worst nose related injury you’ve had? leave a comment. see you soon pals.

-sufian