i grow old next week
today is wednesday november the second. it’s seven days before my birthday. i’m going to be twenty two. i wish someone would gift me a big bag of all kinds of beer and i would share it with them and we’d both get boozed and then we’d hug and make a frozen pizza and talk about our dads and how lucky we are to be friends. be that person. be my pal.
violence returns to the television
as a sneak birthday present, rockstar games released this trailer of grand theft auto five. boy was i excited. my whole grade seven, i spent it shooting hookers with a gun in grand theft auto three. i didn’t get the satire and all that brainy stuff when i was younger and fatter. i get it now. so i got the trailer for this new thing. have you seen it yet? go watch it. you’re going to have to read newspaper articles about moms and stuff misunderstanding everything when the game comes out, so enjoy yourself right now.
the only place you can drink and drive
i can’t wait to down beer and whiskey in the game and safely drunk drive (because it’s in a video game, ya madd. it’s okay but maybe not for kids because they’ll think all the wrong things) they better not bring back the calories meter. i hate that i have to look after my calories in life enough. i don’t want it in a video game.
anyways. so to celebrate i went to the lcbo. i didn’t have my bike so i walked to the lcbo from hart house. it was cold. i walked past popeyes and resisted the $3.49 chicken sandwich surprise. i was surprised by the lack of crazy people outside. i went in and thought about which beer to buy. i debated some fancy nine grain stout or this welsh ale. i get paid on thursday, i’m in $100 overdraft and so i thought i’d get the cheaper ale.
i checked out with the Celt bronze ale and a bottle of spiced rum (remember it’s my birthday next week? precelebration). i walked home and nobody was home so i ate a lot of pringles in secret.
i had some rum before the beer to sooth my nerves. i popped open the cap. i sniffed the bottle. i couldn’t smell much because the bottle opening was only half an inch apart.
why don’t beer makers have bigger bottle spouts? people would appreciate smells more if the spouts were bigger. physicists have found that surface area and smell are positively correlated. yay. i don’t think a lot of people pour beers at home. they drink them out of the bottle. if coors lite can market an easy drinking pop tab then someone should market wide mouthed bottles.
i sniffed this thing a lot because i liked the subtle smell. you know how concentrated air wick smells pungent and like an old woman’s panties? this beer doesn’t smell anything like that. words to describe the smell:
-bits of ethanol.
i was surprised by the lack of fruit in the smell, however. i had an ontario beer earlier today, which will remain unnamed, and it had more fruit in it that this welsh ale. times are a changin’. ontario craft brewers smell more welsh than the welsh (have i said welsh enough?)
the taste disappoints. this is a heavily drinkable ale. the label calls it full bodied but it’s pretty light (come on, the welsh). it does have the ‘rich bronze colour’ as described. i have no idea what “crystal maltiness” means but i’ll go ahead and say the beer is moderately sweet. i expected less sweet and more hop outta this thing. at least they got some kind of balance right. i guess they delegated the label writing to the wrong guy.
my friend’s listening to bonnie prince billy now and it’s fucking sad so i don’t know anymore. how does will oldham manage this? effortless.
back to beer
it’s brewed in caerphilly, wales. the label says “bracis curmi” (malted beer) traces back to the ancient Celtic language of proto-celtic, an age where celts were some of the first beer producers in europe. i don’t know why this is important on labelling. i suppose it appeals to the inner old man in me.
what i did like about the packaging is the european manner of labelling bottles. they have the units of alcohol labelled on the back. this is good for pregnant ladies and alcoholics, both. this particular 500ml bottle was 2.3 UK units of alcohol. the bottle also reads 2.1 a day is healthy for males. why isn’t our culture like this? comeone canada.
what’s your favourite kind of packaging? or do you hate advertising? leave a comment.
see you soon. have a happy thursday.